"He is unmotivated to do math." "She is smart, but needs to focus on work." "She makes careless mistakes." "He won't work unless constantly redirected." "I am ignoring his behaviors because I know he's acting this way to get my attention."
Teaching writing workshop, many, many times students would ask- "How do I spell ___?" I'd respond, "Do your best." But what does that mean? Depending on their age, maybe the students would spell the word phonetically. Maybe they could look it up. Ask a neighbor? Write a completely different and often not as interesting word? I then shifted to teaching those strategies, plus some they came up with (like writing the first letter, leaving a blank space, and waiting for 'spelling help time' at the end of the period. We had an anchor chart of spelling strategies, and they learned a skill. Much more specific, right? Long ago, when I was a young classroom teacher and thought I was soooooo smart, I remember writing or saying quite a few of these statements myself. (I also thought kids should do homework every night, but that's a whole other post.) I had point sheets, stickers, notes home, even detentions in place to keep my students on the straight and narrow. It took quite awhile and maybe some kids of my own to show me that what I'd always perceived as 'lack of effort' or 'attention seeking behavior' was actually a big old skill deficit that needed real attention and input. When a child isn't functioning, it isn't because they don't want to- they want to do well! And as their parents, teachers, and coaches, it's our job to help them identify what they need and to help them practice, generalize, and maintain the skills they are lacking. This isn't just true for academic skills, but for independent functioning and social emotional skills as well. What is 'unmotivated?' What is "lazy?" It could be a mismatch between the content and the kid's ability. It could be a defense if they aren't great at reading in a group and don't want the others to know. It could be that they look at a packet of work and feel so overwhelmed they aren't sure where to start. It's important for us to ask them first- what can help you be successful at this? When we can get input and (it can happen, I've seen it) accurate self-reflection from our kids, we can guide them through a problem solving process to improve their skills. Skills first, then effort. I couldn't be more thrilled about growth mindset becoming a buzzword- it's POWERFUL stuff. It starts with us, and a shift in the way we view our ability and potential. However, I think it's really important that when we are following the directive "praise the effort, not the child" we need to keep in mind- sometimes the child is at a loss for how to apply effort, and we need to give them the supports, strategies, or skills first. Here's a good article with author Dr. Carol Dweck with some food for thought- and I've listed her original book, Mindset, on the resources page as well. Speaking of "what we see" I wish I could take credit for the gorgeous and brilliant infographic above, but I am not that talented. It comes from an amazing website I've listed in the resources section on the site, NorthstarPaths.com. It's loaded with free resources I love. If you are still struggling with the "WHHHHYYYYY", reach out to me today, and we'll chat. You get a chance to work on skills, too. You've got this. Leave a Reply. |